Missing Her Friend

[Allyson]

It has been a week now since Faith's passing, and I am a little worried about Cassie.

Overall, she is doing ok. But I keep catching her looking around for something. Either in the field, or even in her stall. In general, her confidence has deteriorated a bit- she lost her leader and while she's not really showing signs of pure fright, she's not as outgoing as she was.

I have her on ulcer meds as the first day Faith was gone, Cassie kept calling for her. So i figured i'd help prevent the development of an ulcer- which would just make matters worse, and heck, I already had the meds on hand.

I'm not sure what the best thing to do is...just start working with her to a) get her mind off it and b) establish myself as her leader in place of Faith? or will all that be stressful and I should give her some time to just be a horse?

I think part of it too is that I'm feeling sad myself, and I dont think I can be a very good leader right now. I'm sure that'll change- but how can I give Cassie confidence if I myself don't feel up to it?

I've thought about putting her in training- but I also don't want to send her away.

I'm just confused right now.

[juliane]

Awww... this is a tough situation for everyone involved... you, your ponies.. I don't envy what you are going through.

From an outsider's view, my best suggestion is to work with Cassie. You don't have to be the 'leader' - go back to the basics that you guys already know. Perfect the simplest things. One of the things that stands out the most in my mind from each time I've gone to one of Jon Ensign's clinics is the amount of time and repitition he puts into each task. I tend to 'get it' with my horse and then move on - never to return unless necessary. But really, that consistency is key!

Go back to the groundwork with Cassie. Do everything you've already done. It'll be a no-brainer, it'll get both of your minds of your broken hearts and help you heal. Cassie needs you as much as you need her.

If you need a shoulder, give me a call and I'll be there!

[rachel]

Julie is right just do little things with her on the ground that you have done before but havent in a while. I had bought Ally my filly 3 weeks before I put Bud down. She immediately attached to him as she would her mom, she was still to young to be weaned. But when Bud passed I got the cold shoulder from Ally. She would sit in her stall with her head in his blankets I had hung in there, if I came in the stall she would glare at me and stay as far away as possible. So I would shut the door and sit in the stall and talk to her. About everything and eventually she started moving closer and closer and pretty soon she wanted to be near me and I became her new best friend. It kind of gave both of us a chance to morn, heal, bond and become relaxed around each other. I was in a different predicament as she was only 5 months old and didnt have much training besides halter work and some feet work. But non the less it was the key to our relationship now, we both lost something that meant alot to us and we learned to lean on each other for support. Even now I will go out and sit in the arena as she plays and after a bit she will come over and put her head on my leg and we just sit there silently talking. Maybe thats what you can Cassie need, some quiet time just you guys alone in the stall, no pressure or request. Just you letting down your wall and her letting hers down. You guys already have a great bond but with everything going on now she is questioning it. God I sound like a shrink, but I am just telling you what worked for me when I was in your situation. My view of horse and human relationships changed alot after Bud passed, I learned alot about myself and my horse. There really needs to be a support group for those of us who lost our best friend.